August 31, 2012

an interview for (in english)

How old are you, how long are you engaged in photo?

I’m 25 years old, I’m from Poland. It all started in highschool (so about some 8 years ago). I was writing then a lot of poems. But words started to be a tough substance for my imagination. For a long time I couldn’t find any good tool to express, until my Lad gave me a camera. I remember the first photo which I took – it was a portrait of my Lad. I remember our first walk to a garden on the back of cemetery, the time when I wanted to take photo of every moment when we were together – something like intimate, girly photo dairy. Today, when I look at these photos, I smell fading apple trees. Everything is so bright and clear, like in a Proust novel.

Is Krakow your hometown? Do You like to live in it?

I grew up in a small town – Brzesko. I moved to Cracow about 6 years ago, when started going to University. At the beginning this city was magical for me, but unfortunately as time passes I can see that it is crowdy and I rather live in peace and loneliness. This is why I’m longing so much to my childhood when I was living in the countryside at summers. I hope that we could get out of these place in some short time – somewhere closer to the woods, mountains and lakes (closer to places where fairy tales are born). Maybe we could even go abroad. In Poland you can still find many people who are distant from art, and aspecially for the photogropahy I create. I really like Iceland, but probably due to possibilities of finding some work we will be thinking rather about London maybe.

You wrote in facebook that you leave for two years in Spain. Tell me please, what is it the grant and what will you do in Spain.

Yes, some time ago I wrote about it, but our plans changed for some reasons. My Lad had an opportunity to go on a two year grant to Spain to work at CIMNE and prepare doctoral thesis, and then one more year in Austria. Unfortunatelly about a month ago he had a heart surgery and this is why we couldn’t go there. One the other hand, I’m happy about how it ended, because Spain is very warm and sunny land, as I mentioned in our talk earlier, and I’m rather thinking about something more rainy and cold climate (which will simply make my imagination more intense). So Iceland or Great Britain – nevertheless I’m still afraid (I’m usually don’t go even out of my home because of my fears, so that kind of journey would be a great challenge for me).

Do you like literature? Which?

Yes, a lot. I admire writers and poets, just to mention some: Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Charles Bukowski, Henry Miller, Milan Kundera, Vladimir Nabokov, Franz Kafka, Bruno Schulz, Federico García Lorca, Julio Cortázar, Jerzy Kosiński, Rafał Wojaczek, Emil Cioran and many others.

And what are you inspires?

I always say that there are three things that inspire me: sensitiveness, darkness and death. Pain is inscribed in all of these. Everything is linked with each other inseparably. This is why some of my photos can present sensitiveness and wounds at the same time. Maybe I should say: sensitive wounds? I’m also inspired by forests and loneliness. And also my own past, especially memories from childhood, which are very strong and intense. I often tell stories in my photos which really happened to me when I was a young, little girl, or earlier, when I was getting older and had my first passions.

Why do you often have in photos dead animal and birds? Where do you take them?

When I was small, my grandfather was taking care of a house of one old man who was a huntsman. He had many stuffed animals in rooms. Grandfather let me play amongst them all the time. I was strongly united with these animals. I felt as if I were in a fairy tale world. Today, these animals are here, with me. There are more and more of them. When surrounded by them I feel safe.

Death is closer in the countryside. It seems that it is more “normal” and tamed there. Grandparents don’t hesitate to murder a rabbit in front of child eyes and then skin him. Often my grandparent gave a long stick and told me to kill a rabbit – I needed to punch him in a head, from behind, near his ears. After that, before they started to prepare it, I could play with it in the garden. I didn’t felt any fear. Today I can feel only childish curiosity, sensitiveness and concern. They reminds me about childhood.

And how do you choose a models?

Often the model is me and my Lad. I avoid taking photos of other people because they do not belong to the world of my imagination and memories. They are strangers. Such photos would be a lie. I did some fashion sets, but didn’t felt good with it. I rather tell my stories.

Do You use any filters for processing of photos?

No, I don’t use such things. I’m not a specialist in photo technique. Everything is more like intuition.

What a camera do you have?

I have many old cameras. I can’t afford expensive ones, so I usually use zenith.

Is it truth, that your photos printed in the Italian Vogue?

No, my photo was the Photo of the Day on their webpage, but I don’t know anything about printing it.

How many exhibitions already did you have?

My most significant exhibition was this year in cracow at Cracow Photomonth, ShowOff Section. It was a very prestigious thing, because there were about 600 photographers who sent their portfolio and only 10 of them were asked to participate. This experience taught me a lot (thanks to me curators). There were also some other exhibitions, to sum up, there were about 5 exhibitions (sometimes it was so small, that only one photo was exhibited). Maybe, if I could live in London, it would be easier to make something bigger? I hope it’d be so.

Is Your book a self-published?

My book was printed as a part of Cracow Photomonth. They proposed two persons to publish their book in a limited series. As far as I know they are all sold now, and this makes me very happy, that so many people wanted to have them in their collection. It means a lot for me.

What are your favourite places in Poland?

I didn’t see many places, because I am (still) afraid of traveling. But I really like mountains (I’m thinking about Tatry and Bieszczady). I’d also really like to see the sea, which I have never seen in reality.

What are your next creative plans?

I’m still working a short movie (I had to stop because the surgery I’ve mentioned, but I hope that I will start again soon). Beside that I have many stories in my head that I need to tell. So.. I’ll still tell my fairy tales. But I have a premonition that there will be more and more sadness in them (which grows in me like a mighty tree).

August 29, 2012

August 10, 2012

there is in me such darkness in which wolves feast

sometimes wounds appear only when you look at me. I'm naked and full of light. 
lying on a bed which you carefully prepared for night. our sensitiveness laboratory. 
I see as my skin slowly dissect under your eyes blade. you feed yourself with me as a wolf.

from my diary: early august

silent light